I think I’ve got into the nasty habit of doing three things:

1) Only blogging once in a blue moon.

2) Starting said blog off with, “I know it’s been a while” Or words to that effect.

3) Ending with “I won’t leave it so long next time” But then I do!!

That’s why I’m going to start with, I make no promises but I have good intentions.

If I can be brutally honest and serious for a few paragraphs, I think it’s safe to say I have let myself become complacent and lazy because it’s been easy.

I’ve still been writing it’s what I do, it’s what I enjoy, it’s my passion but where my previous writing adventures were supposed to be an enjoyable experiment where I wanted to understand the process and hopefully entertain a few readers on the way; I disappointed myself with the mistakes I made and instead of learning from them, which is what I should’ve done, I took the negativity and let it eat me alive. Hence the all quiet on communications front.

I’m sure others out there, trying to do the same thing, will agree, it’s hard. It’s hard to put yourself out there, to expose yourself in that way and not expect the negative side of that to affect you. It’s the same for anything, whether that’s your passion, hobby, career or relationship.

I’ve always said my previous projects were never supposed to be deep, meaningful and profound, just enjoyable, entertaining and fun. By the end of writing Concordia I felt none of those things and that affected me. That’s what made it easy to just focus on work and everything else in my life.

If you’re still sticking with this post well done, because I would’ve given up on its depressing tone by now!!

I guess you are starting to wonder what the point is I’m trying to make.

My point is, you don’t give up on your passion.

I’m the sort of person who needs inspiration to motivate me. I’ve had that on and off over the last two years, which is why I almost have a completed brand new project. Those small moments, where I’ve witnessed something, been part of something or felt something that has made me re-evaluate those doubting moments and made me want to write.

It has been the last few months that have driven me to write more, to not doubt the process and basically, stop feeling sorry for myself. That has come from a person, someone I see on a daily basis, who is always incredibly passionate and enthusiastic about her passion outside of work. That behaviour is infectious. I don’t believe for one moment it’s easy to be that positive all the time but I have such immense respect for her motivation. Listening to her talk passionately about it is inspiring. When we have these conversations, I’ve gone home every night and written or re-read or re-written, I’ve done something.

Gradually I’ve built back up that enthusiasm and found my motivation. My passion doesn’t fill me with dread anymore, it makes me realise I’m in the realm of possibility. It’s made me re-evaluate what I have done so far, what were the positives of those previous projects and why, I let the negativity take over. It surely, can’t be as simple as it was easy to give in, I need a reason and I think I nearly have that.

All because I sit next to someone on a daily basis who can smile about her passion, even when it’s hard.

So, where I began with, I make no promises to you, my readers/followers. I know I want to be better at this. So much so the project I’ve been working on has become the project that means something very important to me, the project where I have laid everything bare and have written not just for entertainment but from the depths of my soul. After all isn’t that why any of us have a passion because it is our soul?

Thanks for reading, I’m trying to be better!