Stalked by Bambi’s Parents

So how’s 2013 treablossomting everyone so far? I have to say I am completely baffled that it’s only the 6th day of the year and there is already blossom on a tree in our garden, very odd! And yesterday I was actually gardening because it was that mild out.

Something else that always baffled me, which kind of ties in with my little road rage rant not so long ago is people who only have one head light on their cars, that vexes me! About 75% of my journey home from work consists of no street lights so when a car is coming towards me with only one light it angers me and I’ve always wandered why the hell don’t they just get it fixed, a bulb is like a fiver which is nothing compared to another car smacking head first into you because he/she didn’t realise you were a car. Well the answer is simple, why would you know unless someone told you? And that’s when I realised I’d joined the world of hypocrisy. As I drove in to the work car park on Thursday morning, a bloke on a bike followed me in. A little weird I thought as it’s a private car wickedwitchpark, what was even weirder was the fact he was a litte parculiar, he was rather a little reminicent of Rab C Nesbitt, now take that image and imagine Rab C Nesbitt riding the Wicked Witch of the West’s Bicycle (obviously before she was bright green in the land of OZ, I’m talking the kansas version!). He watched and waited for me to reverse in to my spot, also creepy as he flashed me a creepy smile which made me think of the guy from the Goonies and then rode up to my passenger side window, which I wound down whilst having 999 ready to dial on my mobile. Then the words came out of his mouth, “Did you know you’ve got a head light out”. NOOOOOOOOOOOO, I’d driven to work in the dark with one bloody head light, I couldn’t believe it. I’d also made the most hideous assumptions about the dude on the bike who did a good deed by informing me, other wise I would never have known, well probably untill I’d had the worst look and the police pulled me over but luckily that never happened. While I’m on the subject of other things that vex me while driving I realy should mention suicidal animals, seriously I’m driving along this country road, complete with horror movie quality house and out of nowhere a huge stag comes running out of the adjacent wood, I slam on my brakes and he just stands there starring at me before casually strolling into the field across the other side of the road, I mean the cheek, I nearly kill Bambi’s dad because he had some crazy death wish and then he has the nerve to give me the “Stare”, three mornings later on the same big-stag-winterstretch of road, the same thing happens only this time it’s not Bambi’s Dad it’s his Mum, again I slam on my brakes and she stands there and stares at me, clearly the stags wife I’m guessing, then something I really didn’t expect, fifteen other Deer came out of nowhere and began to cross the road behind her, all the time whilst she stood there starring at me, once the last one had crossed she then followed, it really was, truely a spectacular sight.

I have to say it’s moments like that which have really helped with the sequel, I’ve re-written whole chapters purely because I’ve been inspried by my new environment, I would say a change of scenery is definately good for the writter in me. Not that I’m saying everyone should pack up and move to the country but for all you writers out there, I would say a change of scenery once in a while definately helps the Writers block!

Book Trailers… Seriously?

So now the Car drama is over and Yes I did get the wing mirror fixed and no I didn’t do it myself my better half did!!! Anyway it’s now time to get back to business. The writing business!! Now, amongst all my research for a good marketing strategy and preparation for the release of The Break there is one thing that keeps flashing up everywhere and that I keep blatantly ignoring and trying to avoid and that would be the crazy notion of The Book Trailer. I remember seeing a book trailer on TV for the first time and my first thought was ‘You’ve got to be kidding me, why?’ But on further reflection my second thought was ‘What an interesting concept why isn’t everyone doing it’ and I kind of came to the conclusion that it’s a little odd to present imagery to the reader before they’ve read the book. I mean I enjoy reading because it’s my interpretation of the story and each reader takes out of a story what they will, what’s personal to them and their view of what’s significant and their own imagery, surely by presenting them with images of your own perception is manipulating your reader before they’ve even read your work. It’s different to movie trailers and obviously movies as a whole for that matter because we’re viewing that Directors interpretation of the script and there’s hardly ever any room for personal interpretation.

I have to admit though the concept of Book Trailers intrigues me still so I had a Google and found a few people who’d shared their experience of making such a trailer, now naturally my first reaction to the idea was Oh My God do I need to start casting actors and getting them to act out scenes from the book? I now chuckle at the idea! And the answer is certainly not, I typed Book Trailers in to You Tube’s search bar and trawled through the many listed from the amateur to the professional and found not one single actor in sight, which is probably good news as I doubt  Johnny Depp would’ve been available!!!  Now one of my many passions as a kid/teenager/young adult was film making, my first real shot at this was when I made a promotional video for a local education centre which they used to send to primary schools to promote what they did, I was seventeen at the time and I was all about the cinematography, I was always so excited about everything but unfortunately a passion which died once financial responsibility started and I needed to pay the bills!!! So now, I’m thinking why not relight that little film makers spark hidden away and experiment with a Book Trailer, I still think the idea is crazy but I’m all for crazy it’s all part of the adventure after all!!!!

It Comes In Three’s

Yes I know I go from Not Blogging Mid Week last week to Blogging on a Monday this week this is because I’ve had the most hideous Monday for a very very long time. So firstly it starts off there’s no internet connection (AGAIN) so I can’t check my bank or urgently transfer the money I need to. Then the Wife takes out her toe on the stone fireplace and I have to say it was pretty gruesome she’d somehow managed to wrench the nail of her second toe all the way back to where it joins on to her foot and smash in the one next to that and then I go to get in the car to go to work only to discover some inconsiderate, disgustingly destructive excuse for a human being has completely taken out my passenger side wing mirror, it’s not even like it was forceively bashed so it was bent back, I mean completely taken out, it doesn’t even exist anymore, it’s like someone apparated it away (OK so I know the act of apparating only exists in Harry Potter but still if it was real that’s what it was like), the only sign I ever had a wing mirror on that side of my car was the lone blue piece of plastic laying on the road, fifty feet away (How’d it get over there?). So I have to put in a crazy panicky call to my Boss explaining I’m going to be late as I need to take Fred (That’s my car!) to a Garage to hope and pray it can get repaired pretty sharpish as it’s MOT is in a week and a half and I can’t afford it to fail let alone randomly payout for parts I didn’t know I was going to need because some idiot is BLIND or either can’t see a huge car sat there or alternatively he/she saw perfectly well and it was intentional. Anyway I think my poor manager now thinks I’m mental (if she doesn’t already!), good job she didn’t witness the reaction that occurred when I discovered this little incident, I think there would’ve been Police and men in white coats involved But she’s pretty awesome and has let me take the day as holiday. Which I think in my ranting I foolishly said I shouldn’t need the whole day!! Ha ha ha ha, how wrong I was. Why is it when you need something specific nobody has what you’re looking for yet someone you spoke to three weeks ago got the same thing sorted in a matter of hours?? Call it Sods Law, call it fate, call it what the hell you like because whatever it is, it doesn’t like me much, I drove to six different garages that I knew of, they all said they couldn’t help out, they either don’t do wing mirrors, they don’t stock the part, they don’t do my make, they only do exhausts you name it there was an excuse. So having become paranoid I was about to be stopped by Police and fined for driving around in a maimed car I head home to try my good old friend Google completely forgetting THERE’S NO INTERNET, so I have to surf on my phone. Now my phone is four years old now and its internet capabilities are limited at best so naturally I see no sense in having an internet bolt on with my package. Twenty One garages Googled later, I never want to see my phone bill next month, I’m going to get the other half to check my E-mails when I know it’s due so I don’t have to look. Anyway finally the best I could do was eventually find somewhere that can supply me with the part but not until tomorrow, I’m so desperate right now I’m taking that option (Watch this space for the adventures of me trying to fit it tomorrow!!) and that’s only because my neighbour gave me the card of the dude he uses to get parts. Which was a very nice random act of kindness as I’m pretty sure he hates us!! But then, his wife is stood the other side of the fence “That’s what you get for parking on the road” She screeches, DO YOU THINK! Obviously didn’t say this but the degree of self control that went in to not throwing the lonely left over piece of blue plastic at her head was so exhausting all I want to do now is curl up and go to sleep. Also, probably would’ve been highly inappropriate as her husband was incredibly helpful, Maybe it’s just her that doesn’t like us, She does remind me a little of Professor Umbridge from Harry Potter, only a bit more toad like. So It’s now three O’clock, the next bus that would get me in to town is in ten minutes and the bus stop is just over a mile away so I would never make that one, the next one now isn’t until ten to four which will get me to town about quarter past four and I’d get to work for twenty five past four only to finish at five which clearly is a waste of time so I’ve had to waste a whole days worth of Annual Leave because of some thoughtless, selfish, inconsiderate IDIOT. So to calm myself I will be indulging in Beer and Takeaway this evening.