Stalked by Bambi’s Parents

So how’s 2013 treablossomting everyone so far? I have to say I am completely baffled that it’s only the 6th day of the year and there is already blossom on a tree in our garden, very odd! And yesterday I was actually gardening because it was that mild out.

Something else that always baffled me, which kind of ties in with my little road rage rant not so long ago is people who only have one head light on their cars, that vexes me! About 75% of my journey home from work consists of no street lights so when a car is coming towards me with only one light it angers me and I’ve always wandered why the hell don’t they just get it fixed, a bulb is like a fiver which is nothing compared to another car smacking head first into you because he/she didn’t realise you were a car. Well the answer is simple, why would you know unless someone told you? And that’s when I realised I’d joined the world of hypocrisy. As I drove in to the work car park on Thursday morning, a bloke on a bike followed me in. A little weird I thought as it’s a private car wickedwitchpark, what was even weirder was the fact he was a litte parculiar, he was rather a little reminicent of Rab C Nesbitt, now take that image and imagine Rab C Nesbitt riding the Wicked Witch of the West’s Bicycle (obviously before she was bright green in the land of OZ, I’m talking the kansas version!). He watched and waited for me to reverse in to my spot, also creepy as he flashed me a creepy smile which made me think of the guy from the Goonies and then rode up to my passenger side window, which I wound down whilst having 999 ready to dial on my mobile. Then the words came out of his mouth, “Did you know you’ve got a head light out”. NOOOOOOOOOOOO, I’d driven to work in the dark with one bloody head light, I couldn’t believe it. I’d also made the most hideous assumptions about the dude on the bike who did a good deed by informing me, other wise I would never have known, well probably untill I’d had the worst look and the police pulled me over but luckily that never happened. While I’m on the subject of other things that vex me while driving I realy should mention suicidal animals, seriously I’m driving along this country road, complete with horror movie quality house and out of nowhere a huge stag comes running out of the adjacent wood, I slam on my brakes and he just stands there starring at me before casually strolling into the field across the other side of the road, I mean the cheek, I nearly kill Bambi’s dad because he had some crazy death wish and then he has the nerve to give me the “Stare”, three mornings later on the same big-stag-winterstretch of road, the same thing happens only this time it’s not Bambi’s Dad it’s his Mum, again I slam on my brakes and she stands there and stares at me, clearly the stags wife I’m guessing, then something I really didn’t expect, fifteen other Deer came out of nowhere and began to cross the road behind her, all the time whilst she stood there starring at me, once the last one had crossed she then followed, it really was, truely a spectacular sight.

I have to say it’s moments like that which have really helped with the sequel, I’ve re-written whole chapters purely because I’ve been inspried by my new environment, I would say a change of scenery is definately good for the writter in me. Not that I’m saying everyone should pack up and move to the country but for all you writers out there, I would say a change of scenery once in a while definately helps the Writers block!

Mother’s Day Mayhem On a Saturday????

So, So far, I’ve had no opportunity to hone my drawing skills, (what skills?!) Yesterday was spent doing Mother’s Day things (Yes on Saturday!). Myself and my sister decided we would take Mum out for lunch somewhere nice, we decided this last weekend then on Friday night I bumped in to my Mum in a Supermarket and said “You looking forward to tomorrow?”, “What’s going on tomorrow?” She replies, “Me and Rachel are taking you out for lunch” I tell her “Oh are you? First I know about it” She tells me. Now it’s the first she knows about it because it was apparently meant to be a Surprise and I’ve just let the cat out of the bag!! At what point was it discussed that it was a flaming SURPRISE!! So, yesterday morning began with me picking up the Mother’s Day bouquet of flowers, then off to the parents house where I’m instantly met with “I want a signed copy of your book for Mother’s Day”! “Well you’ll be waiting a while as I don’t even have a copy yet, this huge Bouquet will have to do”!!!

Now as I mentioned in a previous blog my sister is currently hopping around on crutches and I have to say she’s become well nifty on them!! Not only walking with them but she has found them useful to prod you with, point with, and pick her bag up off the floor with (the many uses of crutches!!).

Sat in a restaurant with Mum and Sis is like being involved in a live Catherine Tate sketch, they have the funniest banter and it just flows and rolls off their tongue, natural comedians I’m telling you! So my sisters trying negotiate a maze of tables and chairs to finally sit down at our allocated table, my mother is wondering around through the same maze of table and chairs admiring the decor in a manor a little reminiscent of Dorothy first landing in Oz going “oh this is lovely” I was waiting for her to add “Where’s the Yellow Brick road”! While simultaneously with her phone out wanting to take pictures of everything, my sister filled with embarrassment nearly falls over a chair, no wonder they sat us in a corner away from “Normal” people!!  After dinner, we dropped our mum off and then went to pick up our three year old Nephew from my Brother’s and god knows what possessed us to take a three year old to Toys R Us on a Saturday afternoon. If you didn’t think we were crazy before I’m sure you do know. In all credit to him he was very well behaved and even gave the naughty children, cute, disapproving, disgusted looks and tuts, this is until we found the Thomas the Tank Engine section where he began to gather up one of every engine and start handing them to me and my Sister, where we’re beginning to sway with nausea and panic as we notice they are £10 each!!! We were pretty calm until he’d managed to stock up about £300 worth of toy trains, before we started to negotiate!! They should get small children to negotiate huge corporate business deals! So after surviving the toy store it was back to my parents house to start building train track, which of course is never right, it’s always to curvy or there’s not enough bridges or there’s nowhere for a helicopter to land!

After my little adventure on Saturday with my three year old nephew, my sister on crutches and my mother who’s a closet comedian I was shattered, and was happy to spend my Saturday night sat in front of the TV with a nice bottle of Bordeaux whilst others partied like it was 1999 on St Patrick’s Day!

So today is reserved for quiet working and maybe some more TV!!