Can I hide from me?

pseudonyms-wordplayI did something brave at the weekend, well, brave for me. I gave a friend my recent work to read. Obviously People read my work all the time, when I submit to agents for example but they are strangers to me. Their negative or constructive feedback can’t hurt me in the same way as the people I know and have respect for.

Being naturally paranoid, makes me very closed off from sharing with the people close to me, my friends. It’s the fear of judgement from people whose opinion matters to me. You should think that they are the people I should feel most comfortable with but that’s never been the case, I can give speeches in front of a room of strangers with no issues what so ever, you put me in a room with colleagues, friends and family, I fall to pieces.
This has caused me to think further about the concept of writing under a Pseudonym. I’ve always been intrigued by authors who write under a different pen name. Why do they do it? What’s the benefit? Do they like the anonymity? Does it protect them from feeling vulnerable? Would it have stopped me feeling so hesitant about self publishing had I had written under a pseudonym with my first book?
I recently started to build a persona I would write under should i choose to make the decision to go down the Pseudonym route. It’s a strange concept because right now, I can become anyone, it’s like I’m writing my own character in to my own story, it’s quite an exciting concept. At the same time there’s something nagging at me, although this is fun, I am hiding from what makes me vulnerable, which is why I carefully considered handing over my work to a friend. It becomes a question of trust, a person can hold a lot of power over you when you expose yourself but I guess that’s what we do every time we lay down words to page, writing exposes us. It exposes your desires and demons, your dark side and your inner hero.
These doubts and hesitations are surely the things that ordinarily a person would take and use, to grow, to build on confidence and skills. Realising where your weaknesses are and accepting them does not make that a weakness in itself. Right?
To be honest as I self published a book to understand the process of doing so, publishing under a pseudonym sounds like something I would do as an experiment, just to see, how different it is. I don’t mean different in the physical process I mean different psychologically as a writer, that could be a fun. Maybe I’ll try it with my next one. How else do I get answers to my questions. If anyone out there does have an opinon on this, or does write under a pseudonym please do contact me, I’d love to pick your brain.

New Year…. Bar Humbug!!

Well I guess as it’s the last day of 2012 it would be rude not to post something!

Anybody who knows me well will know I hate New Years Eve, yep I am the New Year Party Pooper, I1337577_wine_swirl stay in, enjoy a glass of wine and indulge in an early night, I don’t even stay up till 12. I’ve just never seen the fascination, the moment the clock strikes midnight you still have the same issues as 10 seconds ago, you make New Years Resolutions you can’t keep and just get so drunk you don’t even rememebr the party anyway and spend the first day of the New Year hungover so bad you think you’re dying!!

However I do take the opportunity at New Year to, not look forward because nobody knows what will happen from one day to the next but to evaluate the year just gone. It’s never what I expect so it’s always cool to look back and say “I made it through another year in one peice, I’m happy”.

So what happened in 2012, obviously the Olympics were here in the UK and being a crazy tennis fan I watched as Andy Murray won the gold and then later in the year won his first grandslam! The Dark Knight Rises finally arrived, one of the best comic adaptation trilogy’s EVER. Then personally, I bought a house (with my partner obviously!), got a new car, a promotion, Self published my first DSCF3985novel and we added a new edition to our crazy household and got a puppy!! So to be fair even though there was a lot of negative’s and struggles and all that stuff in 2012, I can’t complain really!! They say it’s about the journey and to me the journey is always, in some ways more valuable than the end goal.

So I just wanted to post today, not to complain about my views of New Year but to wish you all an amazing 2013 and I hope the journey of the next 365 days inspires you and also to thank you once again for all your support, I will try and get the sequel out next year!!!